I never

“Push honey, push!”
Get out of here! Get out of my body you stupid thing! Get out!
“You’re almost there! Just a little bit more”
Yes, yes! Oh god, I think I might pass out from the pain. Must push! Push!
“Almost!”
Ah! Yes.
“That’s it! Well done,”
Is it really over now? Thanks god.
“Now you must go rest a bit. We have already given you sedatives. You’ll be asleep in no time.”
Like a dream, it’s all over. Just the way it started it was going to end.
It all started with one night. One stupid decision I made. And I don’t know what I was thinking at the time, because honestly, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I didn’t know what kind of man I was getting involved with either. It doesn’t matter anymore. He was gone as fast as he had come to me. He didn’t believe me when I told him about my pregnancy. Of course he didn’t, he had a family to take care of and if his wife ever found out that he had slept with a girl, a sixteen year old girl she would flip. He himself had an eighteen year old daughter of his own, and another on the way.
When that happened, he just ignored everything, even the golden ring on his left hand. I did too. And for one night he only cared about me and I felt the same way about him. But it all turned to ashes as soon as the next morning came by.
It was a bit hard for me at first, but you can’t really get heart broken for a person you only knew for such a short period of time. How I met him and what had happen didn’t matter anymore, not until that same thing threatened my future. I was oblivious at first, it only hit me after I started cramping for no apparent reason. For a while there I didn’t know what it was, I assumed my period was on its way but it never came. Then it got worse, my body changed and I suddenly felt as though I was living in the body of a stranger. It was then when I opened my eyes and faced the truth.
I had done it; the worst thing you could do to your own family. I had never been especially fond of my family but for some odd reason I felt guilty. I still don’t get it, I hated all of them. Perhaps I felt bad because of my mother. She had always told us of the great things she saw in me and my sister. She saw doctors, lawyers, professors and just about any other high position she could think of. She saw no limits in our way, we were young and studied and we could be anything we wanted to. I was supposed to set a example for my sister, and look at me now. I prayed each and everyday so that I could die, or even better, that just the thing inside me would die. I felt as though everything was being taken from me by this existence inside. I didn’t know it, how it looked, what it felt like or even what it was but somehow I was already hating it.
And then that day came. And after all of the pain, the tears, the silence, the violence, the denial, and the injustice…
…There it was.
This little being not bigger than my thumb as if part of a cruel joke. This lifeless being, what had been inside me all along was nothing. Now I had nothing to worry about. I could move on with my life and nothing would change. I would still go to school only to pass the time. I would see other guys and give myself to them. I would finally be able to smoke the cigarettes I so missed. And no one but me and my mother would know of my mistake. Not even him.
For some reason all of this didn’t matter to me anymore. As I saw that little being across the room in I had suddenly realized my sin. I never stopped to think “what if”. What if I hadn’t killed you off, baby? What kind of person would you have become. Maybe you could have been the one who kept me company. The one who gave me uncondicional love. I could have finally had a reason to try and live for once. I could have done it for you. We could have been together. We could have done so much more.
It’s too late for this now. There I was, the same as I had been before, and there was the something that could have changed my entire life.